


the star/farewell

by mymoonbby



Series: songs of got7 [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: A little fluffy, Break Up, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 18:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymoonbby/pseuds/mymoonbby
Summary: the star/farewell; mad winter editiongot7the one i loved without a reason is disappearing





	the star/farewell

**Author's Note:**

> this star/farewell:  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DYgKLfRaErc

_listen_

"listen," youngjae whispered.

"what am i supposed to be hearing?" bambam whined, nose scrunched up in that adorable way of his.

"shh! you have to be _quiet_ ," youngjae hissed at the thai boy. "and _really_ listen."

bambam fell silent after that. a gentle breeze fluttered through the little seaside town of mokpo, and through the boys' hair, ruffling them ever so slightly. youngjae looked at bambam expectantly.

"hyung," bambam frowned. "i'm quiet. and i don't hear anything."

"you're bad at this, bam," youngjae giggled, slapping his boyfriend's arm as he flopped down onto the grass. his back was pressed flat onto the ground as little blades of grass tickled the back of his neck. his arms were spread out wide, like an invitation, which bambam happily accepted and dove straight into.

"mm, i know," bambam replied simply, and nuzzled youngjae's neck. it was nice, to just bask in the sun by the sea, together with the one person bambam loved with all his heart.

and so what if they were only teenagers? so what if his mother told him it was too early for love? bambam was adamant—yes he loved youngjae! he's _thirteen_ , he's old enough to know what love is, thank you very much.

and—here's the best part—he was sure youngjae loved him back too.

 

* * *

  

 _the feeling autumn left_  
_the chilly wind that hints winter is coming soon_  
_i can still feel your warmth_  
_so I know fall and winter would be painful_

"merry fucking christmas to everyone!" youngjae hollered, sitting himself down on the beach, enjoying the way the sand felt between his toes.

"hyung, halloween just ended," bambam giggled softly, getting onto the sand a little distance away from his boyfriend.

"yeah," youngjae scooped a little sand into his palms. "but autumn is almost over. which means it's almost winter. which means christmas!" he slowly sifted the sand through his fingers.

as if on cue, the chilly autumn wind swept over the beach and left both boys shivering under their thin jackets.

winter was coming.

"i'm cold," youngjae whined, shuffling closer to bambam until they were pressed together and he could drape himself all over the smaller thai boy. "cuddle with me. you're warm."

bambam chuckled as he put an arm around youngjae, the vibrations rumbling through youngjae's body and making him grin. "you're the best, bammie!"

and so they sat like that for a while, letting a comfortable silence settle over them as they watched the ocean glitter under the sun. it was moments like this when youngjae truly appreciated living in mokpo, where it was silent and calm and cozy, and together with his boyfriend in their little bubble, there was nothing that could ever dampen youngjae's mood.

well, that was, until bambam suddenly pulled his arm off youngjae and turned to face the latter. youngjae let out a whine of protest and pouted, pulling out his best puppy eyes to try to get his boyfriend to snuggle with him again.

it didn't work, unfortunately. instead, bambam sat up straight and confessed, "i have something to tell you."

youngjae frowned

"go ahead, baby. i'm listening."

bambam sucked in a deep breath. he squeezed his eyes shut, and then reopened them slowly, as if afraid to face reality. and then—

"i got accepted into college in seoul."

youngjae blinked. his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly, and his jaw dropped just a little.

out of all reasons for bambam to be upset, this was something youngjae hadn't even _imagined_.

"college? the fashion design one? oh, bam! that's amazing!" youngjae cheered, throwing himself onto bambam again and pulling the latter into a tight embrace. "i am so, so proud of you baby, i love you so much, and—"

"let's break up."

and then suddenly the beach is thrown into silence once again as youngjae shuts his mouth so quickly he nearly bites his tongue. somberly, he releases his grip on bambam and looks at him. bambam, however, seemed to find the sand more interesting.

"i'm sorry," the thai whispered, seeming to curl up on himself as his hands that were clenched into fists shook. "i'm so, so sorry. but we should break up."

youngjae felt his eyes fill with tears. break up? he's not sure why bambam would even want that. was it him? did he do anything wrong?

"why?" youngjae breathed, his voice trembling.

"youngjae-hyung!" bambam looked up abruptly. "it's not your fault! it isn't you, it's never you, please don't blame yourself. it's my—oh, oh, youngjae, _please_  don't cry!"

but it was too late. the tears that had welled up in youngjae's eyes had begun to spill. he hastily tried to wipe them away, but bambam had already seen them anyway.

"please let me explain," bambam said, softer this time, as he gingerly put his hand over youngjae's.

and so bambam did. he explained everything to his boyfriend—from how he wanted to continue chasing his dreams in fashion design, and how he wanted to pour his heart and soul into his work, and how he thought he didn't want a relationship right now. it was horrendously selfish of him, bambam knew, but they've known each other since their diaper days, been dating for nearly seven years now, and bambam just wanted to be alone for a bit. not only did he want to put his all into fashion, he also wanted to do a little soul searching. it was always a nagging thought at the back of his head, after all, on why his birth parents had left him. what was he truly meant to do? would things be different if he had been raised in thailand instead? there were so many things bambam needed answers to, and he needed to break off from his past for a bit, and do nothing but look straight into the future and figure out who bambam _truly_  was.

but it wasn't youngjae's fault, he said. never.

and perhaps youngjae understood. well, not really, because youngjae wasn't the one with a burning passion for fashion design, nor was he the one who desperately wanted answers to his life. but if his boyfriend—no, ex-boyfriend—needed this, then youngjae would give it to him, no questions asked.

"i get it," youngjae whispered. "yeah, i get it. we should break up," he said it a little louder this time.

bambam perked up. "wait, really?" he croaked, tears beginning to form in his eyes as well. "you-you're not mad?"

youngjae shook his head, smiling warmly as he wiped off the rest of his tears from his cheeks. "i'm not. you need it, i can't stand in the way of your future. go for as long as you need, i don't mind. i love you so much, bam, and i hope you get the answers you need soon."

and then bambam began to cry, little whimpers escaping his lips as his whole body shook and he inched towards youngjae and leaned into the older's chest. "you're too nice, jae-ah. you're so, so nice. i don't deserve you, i don't deserve this at all."

"shh, don't cry bam, don't cry. i love you, it's alright," youngjae soothed, rubbing his hands on bambams back as he tried to get the younger to calm down.

and so they sat like this, watching as the sun slowly begin to set along the horizon and bambam letting all his emotions out, until his sobs slowed to hiccups and he was finally all out of tears.

bambam sat up again, rubbing at his swollen eyes as he left youngjae's embrace. "you-you're really not mad? we're ending this on good terms right?" his voice trembled, and he didn't dare to meet youngjae's gaze.

"absolutely." bambam could hear the warmth in youngjae's voice, and it took everything in him to not start sobbing again.

"i love you, hyung. i really love you, so much," he murmured, more to himself, but the older boy heard him anyway.

"me too, bam. i love you too."

and yet, as he said that, he couldn't help but still feel the lingering warmth of bambam's body on him. the cold autumn wind embraced them once more, and youngjae shivered.

despite all youngjae had said, he knew fall and winter was going to be painful.

 

* * *

 

 _the one i loved without a reason_  
_is disappearing_  
_remembering our memories_  
_i’ll cherish them_  
_my time with you_  
_i realized was a treasure_  
_my love, love, you’re leaving me now,_  
_you’re leaving me now_

they departed after the sky fully turned dark and it was time to head home for dinner.

"will i see you again before i leave?" bambam whimpered, blinking back tears that threatened to fall again.

"of course, bam," youngjae pulled the younger into a tight embrace. "i'll see you again."

and then they split up, to their own separate homes, and maybe to the start of their own separate lives.

youngjae told his parents and siblings the news over dinner. silence fell over the dinner table after that, everyone seeming to be deep in thought as they slowly chewed on their rice.

after dinner, youngjae's older sister offered to do the dishes, and sent him up to him bedroom. youngjae didn't object.

youngjae flopped onto his bed—and that's when it truly hit him. bambam was going to college in seoul, bambam had broken up with him, bambam was leaving.

youngjae loved bambam without a reason—he still does—even as they were little toddlers. he remembered telling their kindergarten friends how he loved the foreign thai boy in their class, how he was going to marry him in the future. the other children wrinkled their nose in digust and turned their heads, but youngjae simply beamed and toddled over to bambam, slipping his hand into the younger's.

middle school was when youngjae realised his adolescent crush on the thai boy. he remembered the exact moment he found out, simultaneously discovering his sexuality as well. they were at the playground near their school, slurping ice cream as they lazily swung on the creaking swings. youngjae's ice cream was melting fast under the sweltering summer hear, and it had begun to drip onto his clothes. the poor, flustered korean could only stare helplessly at his soiled clothes that would surely earn a scolding from his mother and wailed. and bambam—adorable, squishable bambam—had laughed in that cute way of his where his nose scrunched up and his crooked teeth were on full display. he fished out a tissue from his pocket and wiped the stain off of youngjae's shirt to the best of his ability, not without an admonishing, "youngjae hyung, stop being so clumsy," in that not-quite-fully-broken voice of his. and as youngjae looked into bambam's wide eyes and his ears flushed pink, he realised the naive "love" he once felt for bambam might slowly be turning real.

he also remembered the first time he told bambam he loved him. they were standing by the coast knee-deep in the seawater, hair damp from swimming by the beach the whole afternoon. night was approaching, and it was starting to feel a little cold. youngjae turned to look at his boyfriend's side profile, while said boyfriend closed his eyes and basked in the setting sun. and under the orange light that seemed to reflect off bambam's skin, youngjae thought of how beautiful his boyfriend was. on the inside, bambam shone. he was generous, and understanding, and patient, and even now, he was _literally_  glowing.

and that was how youngjae realised he had fallen in love with bambam.

unfortunately, youngjae seemed to lack a filter over his mouth, so he blurted out his thoughts without any warning.

bambam's eyes shot open and he turned his head to look at youngjae—no, _scrutinise_  youngjae. youngjae couldn't quite identify the expression on bambam's face and his mind went blank, not knowing what else to say at this awkward moment. the only sound on the beach were the seagulls squawking, and the waves lapping onto the shore, as the two boys stared into each others' eyes.

and then, bambam broke out into a wide grin, and confessed, "i love you too."

now, as he stared at his ceiling, youngjae realised how he had fallen in love with bambam, just like that. there wasn't a reason, or, a trigger that made youngjae fall. he just did.

and he realised his time with bambam was a treasure—one he had taken for granted. he'd spent his whole life with the thai boy, and he wanted to spend even more of it with him. never in his wildest dreams had youngjae ever thought of the day they were going to split up. and yet, here he was, that very day looming so close to him.

he picked up him phone and switched it on, staring at his lock screen that beamed back at him. it was a selfie of him together with his boy—ex-boyfriend—toasting to each other with a glass of what looked like wine but was really grape juice. he focused on bambam's straightened out teeth—the work of braces—and his mole below his eye, and his scrunched up nose, and—

and the screen turned dark again, the picture of them disappearing all at once. just like how the one youngjae loved without a reason was disappearing. just like how bambam was leaving.

that night, on his bed, staring out at the dark sky, youngjae swore he would always cherish all his memories with bambam.

 

* * *

 

 _the river reflects off so many stars_  
_among one of them_  
_is a pretty little star_  
_this star can get a little close_  
_but once it drifts, it’s gone forever_

true to his word, youngjae met with bambam the evening before the latter was due to go. they had decided to meet at the place where they had their first date.

after all, there was no better place to end it than where they started, right?

it wasn't exactly a river, but that was just what bambam liked to call it. it was more of a tiny stream that trickled through a small clearing of trees near bambam's house.

the two boys barely said a word the entire evening, simply huddling close together for warmth and appreciating each other's presence. it was their last night together, after all.

"do you remember," bambam spoke up softly, shifting away from youngjae to lie on his stomach, "our first date?"

youngjae blinked, shivering slightly at the sudden loss of warmth, before flipping over to lie on his belly just like bambam. "i do. we were watching the stars in the river."

"yeah."

and then it was silent again, the two boys staring at the small stream that reflected off countless shimmering stars. just like their first date.

how ironic this was going also to be their last.

if they could even count it as a date, youngjae thought dryly. trying to divert his thoughts away from the fact that bambam was leaving, he focused his attention on one of the pretty little stars in the river instead. it was much brighter than the rest of its tiny companions, literally outshining everything else.

you know, just like bambam.

youngjae watched intently as the star seemed to get a little closer, moving with the trickling water of the river. it was almost as if youngjae could grab it with his bare hands, and hold on to it tight and never ever let it go.

then a fish glided by, cutting through the water effortlessly as it left ripples in the stream through its wake. the star had drifted away.

it was gone. forever.

youngjae flipped over onto his back, searching the skies for the star. it wasn't that hard to find, as it was shining just as brightly as it was in the stream. the star seemed to be winking at youngjae, glittering merrily as if there was nothing wrong in the world.

but it was so, very wrong. _everything_ was wrong in the world. bambam was leaving, youngjae was going to be alone, youngjae still hadn't found a job while bambam was going on to _college_ , and youngjae was going to be sad because _his love was leaving_.

he couldn't do this anymore. even if he told bambam it was okay to break up, _he_ wasn't okay. youngjae was exhausted, and perhaps it really was best if they just broke it off once and for all.

"bammie?" youngjae whispered, trying not to let his voice quiver.

the younger boy hummed.

"it's getting late. you have to leave early tomorrow, we should head back home."

bambam sighed, reluctantly standing up and picking up his bag.

the walk back to bambam's house was quiet again. the silence hung heavy in the air, seeming to weigh the both of them down as they dragged their feet along the pavement sluggishly.

when youngjae finally dropped bambam off, the two of them embraced tightly, both seeming unwilling to let go. bambam's eyes were shining with tears when he pulled away, and all youngjae wanted to do was yell at bambam to just _please fucking stay_.

instead, he whispered "i love you" for the very last time, and turned away.

 

* * *

 

 _don’t go (don’t go) i won’t let you go, listen_  
_the playground we used to play at_  
_now makes it even harder to forget you_  
_i don’t have courage like the young me_  
_who was a warrior_  
_instead of supporting you, i now write lyrics_

being the huge fucking hypocrite youngjae was, he did not, in fact, head home after dropping bambam off.

instead, he headed to the playground he and bambam had frequented as children. a place filled with their happy memories.

he couldn't believe this was his first sad one.

he unzipped his backpack, pulling out a notebook and a pen.

his composition book.

perching himself on the swing he'd sat on for years, he allowed it to rock gently as he began to write.

being at the playground they used to play at just made it even harder for youngjae to forget bambam. but how could he forget? the love of his life, the one constant thing in his life that was ever-changing. how?

"don't go. (don't go)"

the swing creaked. it was getting old.

"i won't let you go."

and as the swing's moving fell into a regular rhythm, something so _familiar_ to youngjae, his mind flashed to memories as familiar as brushing his teeth, or changing his clothes. memories he'd visited ever so often fondly.

one memory, the memory youngjae liked the most, was at the forefront of his mind.

in elementary school, youngjae was involved in a school production of cinderella. he had auditioned because his parents forced him to, only to get the role of one of the evil stepmother's palace guards. a side character.

not that little youngjae had known any better.

"i'm going to be a knight!" he had boasted. "a knight in shining armour."

his parents had only nodded their heads and smiled appeasingly

but the true star of the show, the talk of the school, the crème-de-la-crème, was the foreign thai boy casted to play the prince.

twinkling eyes, an insatiable curiosity and a charming smile, he'd fit the role of prince charming uncannily.

his name was bambam, and he was all the school talked about.

"he's so princely!"

"he's so adorable! he's got those chubby little cheeks i just want to squish."

"that girl playing cinderella is _so_ lucky!"

all including youngjae.

"bambam looks great as a prince. i'd love to be _his_  knight in shining armour!"

and youngjae still remembers how bambam had been so curious about backstage, how much he'd wanted to explore the areas off limits. what was beyond their dressing rooms? what would bambam find up those stairs?

nothing but misfortune, it would seem, as youngjae had begun to hear loud wailing coming from the restricted area backstage. walking as fast as his little feet could take him, he ducked past their teacher's (un)watchful eyes, into the dimmer area backstage.

youngjae approached the steps leading up to complete and utter darkness, and sitting at the foot of the stairs and clutching his knee, sobbing uncontrollably, was their prince charming.

"what's wrong," youngjae had whispered softly, gingerly trying to peel bambam's hands off his knee.

"i-i fell," bambam whimpered, finally (albeit reluctantly) releasing his grip on his leg, only to reveal a scraped and bloody knee.

youngjae gasped loudly, shock overtaking his features as he eyed bambam's bloody knee. he blinked rapidly, and his bottom lip quivered.

and yet, youngjae extended his hand out for bambam to grab and pulled the younger bot to his feet, patting him on the back as he murmured words of comfort to him, telling him how he was going to be alright, how everything was going to be okay.

tightly gripping on to bambam's hand, he slowly shuffled towards the stage as bambam hobbled by his side, sniffling and wiping away tears with his other hand.

youngjae brought him to a teacher, and then bambam was whisked away to be fussed over. that was it.

after that day's rehearsal ended, bambam had limped up to youngjae on his long, skinny legs, and declared, "you're my knight in shining armour!"

if youngjae's ears flushed pink, nobody had to know.

youngjae sighed, staring at his composition book once more.

only two lines.

he used to be so brave, always willing to fight for bambam no matter what the circumstance. he would support bambam through thick and thin, because that's what they promised each other, right? forever?

well, forever was over.

and now youngjae was lacking the courage he once had. he couldn't stay with bambam, not even on his last day. all he could do was swing and write lyrics about first loves and heartbreak.

he wasn't a warrior anymore, he was a coward.

glancing at the words he had written in his composition book again, he contemplated the next lyrics.

and then scribbled away whatever was on the page and tore it out.

 

* * *

 

_you’re leaving me now_

bambam stands on the porch of his house for the last time, letting out a deep breath. the sun has just risen, and it's still a little chilly out, but bambam likes the temperature just fine.

this is it. he's finally leaving.

as he clutches his bags, and breathes in for one last time the fresh salty air of the little seaside town of mokpo, bambam finally listens. he bites his tongue, and really listens.

and suddenly he hears it all. the gentle crashing of waves along the beach, the boisterous laughter of little children, the chatter of fishermen along the coast—it's everything, and yet nothing, all at once.

maybe this was what youngjae wanted him to hear.

or maybe it wasn't. bambam wouldn't ever know. not after he'd made this decision to leave the place he'd once called home. not after he'd made the decision to leave the boy he still loved.

he closes his eyes, soaking in all the sounds he'd pitifully missed out on in all his years living here. he wishes he'd discovered it sooner; one of the many regrets he'd take along with him to seoul.

and then the rumbling of a car engine drowns out all of the little sounds, all at once. bambam opens his eyes.

his ride is here. it's time to go.

bambam climbs into the car wordlessly, his mother soothingly stroking his hand before switching the car into drive and stepping on the gas pedal.

he doesn't look back, because he'll probably cry if he does.

he's leaving his first love. he always thought the two of them were inseparable, two peas in a pod, the yin to the other's yang. and yet here he was, the one driving out his love's life.

bambam thinks of all the memories he shared with youngjae. when they were children, when they were growing up, when they went through tough times and comforted each other. he doesn't want it to, but a tear slips down his cheek anyway.

the one he loved without a reason.

he's leaving him now.

but it's not permanent, bambam reminds himself. youngjae said it himself, they were ending things on good terms; bambam could always come back to visit. and youngjae would always welcome him with open arms.

so he might be leaving his love. but there was still the unspoken promises of "next time" and "i love you" lingering in the salty mokpo air as bambam drove out of the town and towards the direction of seoul.

 

**Author's Note:**

> heyy i'm back with another songfic! first of all let me just say i found at least three different names of this song so i had such a hard time naming the fic ugh. anyways, go check out the song the star and i hope you enjoyed this story! please leave some suggestions below for any other songs i could write on, and kudos and comments are always appreciated! until the next fic <3


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